


The Shadows Inside My Head

by OneOfTheYoungest



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Alex Rider Needs a Hug, Alex Rider has PTSD, Alex Rider is a Mess, Angst, Crying, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jack's dead, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24426199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneOfTheYoungest/pseuds/OneOfTheYoungest
Summary: When Alex suddenly shows up again at school after his longest disappearance yet, Tom is relieved he got home safe and sound. But while Alex may be out of the woods, the demons of his horrific experience still haunt him. He's quiet and jumpy and avoids Tom.Tom knows something is wrong with his best friend, and he will stop at nothing to help.
Relationships: Tom Harris & Alex Rider
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	The Shadows Inside My Head

**Author's Note:**

> A few things you need to know: In this fic, Alex didn't go to live with the Pleasures and instead got dumped into foster care and his new guardian is abusive. He's still going to Brookland, because MI6 believes some normalcy will do him good (not that they care).
> 
> Enjoy.  
> Or rather, suffer.

As the teacher calls out Alex's name for the role call, Tom opens his mouth to remind him that Alex is on 'sick leave' (though Tom knows what a load of trash that is), but a voice speaks before he can. 

"Present, sir."

Tom's head snaps to the door in shock; sure enough, Alex is standing there, his dirty blond hair falling into his brown eyes, one hand curled around around the strap of his bag. He looks pale and thin and tired, and Tom can see a bruise peeking out from his buttoned collar. 

"Welcome back, Mr Rider," Mr Johnson says sarcastically, raising his eyebrows. "Remind me—was it appendicitis, hapetitis or something else entirely this time?" 

Something flickers in Alex's empty eyes. "An relative died, sir," he said quietly, and a sense of dread overwhelms Tom. _No. It can't be._

Before he can stop himself, he blurts, "Jack?" 

Alex's eyes flick to him just for a second, and there is pain beyond understanding in those brown orbs. He looks back to the teacher, who, instead of punishing Tom's outburst, says, "And who is Jack?"

Alex swallows then, his Adam's apple bobbing, and his eyes seek the floor. He blinks furiously for a moment and then says lowly, "She is—" He flinches at his own words and Tom feels like he's drowning. Alex breathes heavily and then answers at length, his voice ravaged by grief, "She was my sister, sir." 

The surprise on Mr Johnson's face would have been comical had it been in any other situation, and Tom mentally curses with the foulest words he knows that this situation ever had to happen. A part of his mind is still trying to deny it. 

The teacher inhales sharply and says, "My deepest condolences to you and your parents, Alex. Are your parents alright?"

Now Alex looks as if he's going to both hyperventilate and cry. Subtly, he leans against the doorframe and croaks, "My parents died when I was a baby, sir." 

Mr Johnson looks positively stricken. His eyes widen momentarily and the class starts to murmur. Then he clears his throat and says, "Well, take a seat, Alex." 

Alex walks unsteadily to his chair. His eyes avoid everyone else's. His hands shake visibly as he drops his bag to floor and takes a seat. 

If anyone notices the unsteadiness of his breath during class, or if the teacher notices how he never gives an answer, just sits with his hand clenched around his pen, then no-one says anything.

* * *

Alex is avoiding Tom with a passion. 

Well, he is avoiding everyone, but Tom is different. He is his best friend, isn't he? Alex is supposed to tell him things. He's supposed to know that Tom's a shoulder he can lean on.

God knows he must need one right now. 

Vaguely, Tom wonders if Alex is in foster care. He knows how awful some homes can be, and hopes Alex got a good one. He wishes Alex could have stayed with him, but with his parents talking of divorce...

Probably not a good idea. 

Tom wanders into the cafeteria, looking for Alex. He sees a bunch of blond heads, but none of them are Alex's. Tom crosses his arms. 

"Lucy," he says suddenly as his class fellow passes by, "have you seen Alex?"

Lucy shakes her head. "But John was saying he saw him go to the bathrooms. Nobody's seen him since."

Tom nods and jogs towards the bathrooms. Alex must be in one of the cubicles. He listens quietly and then he hears it—

Alex is crying. 

Tom's heart contracts in concern and pain. Alex's sobs are quiet but they're those kinds of desperate, strangled ones and his breath seems too shallow, too fast. Tom hesitates for a minute, then knocks on the door. 

"Alex? Open the door, mate." 

The sobs stop abruptly and Tom thinks Alex is holding his breath. 

"Alex," Tom calls gently. "Please, open the door." 

There's the sound of scuffling and stumbling inside and then the lock clicks open. Tom pushes the door open.

Alex is standing in front of him with his arms crossed tightly against his chest, head bowed so that his bangs hide it from view. He's breathing raggedly.

"Alex," Tom says, his voice strained with emotion, "come here."

As Tom wraps his arms around Alex, he melts into his touch like a starved person, pressing his face into the crook of Tom's neck. Tom can feel his shirt being soaked through with tears but he doesn't mind, only traces gentle circles onto Alex's back as his best friend sobs.

"She's dead, Tom," he whimpers. "It's my fault— She died right before my eyes; they forced me to watch—" Alex shudders and Tom clutches him tighter.

"I'm sorry, Alex," he whispers. "I'm so, so sorry."

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Stay tuned for updates!


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